Our Weblog
As you may know, the Institute for End User Computing, Inc. is most fortunate to have the widest network of operatives placed in government, industry, and academia this side of the CIA ,and do we have a story to break!
In a series of secret Skype communiqués with followup meetings at The Mohonk Mountain House representatives of The Masonic States’ Attorneys General fresh from their work on The Charleston Principles, The League of Illuminated Computer Science Employers whose market capitalization stirs covetous thoughts in the hearts of tax collectors, and the little known Priory of Computer Science Deans have drawn up secret plans to implement a new Millennial Roadmap for Computer Science Education & Practice in a protocol known as The Arkham Charter.
The First Principle of the Charter recognizes that traditional computer science curricula aren’t compatible with the neurobiology of today’s young people. Years of cell phone use and continual texting have led to demonstrable neurological changes in the cerebral cortex rendering the vast majority of individuals under age 35 incapable of performing the kinds of mental gymnastics necessary to develop programming abstractions. Ironically, these same evolutionary changes have enabled them to preform tasks beyond the keen of their elders like syncing tunes across multiple devices and operating complex home theater systems with multiple dueling remote controls. This entire line of research is best summarized by the new mantra of computer science majors and instructors alike — CS is Too Damn Hard.
Strong input from the League of Employers led to the Second Principle of the Charter which states that the first principle doesn’t matter since American CS Grads are Too Damn Expensive. This lead the Priory of Deans to devise a radically re-envisioned curriculum focusing on what people really do. Since wherever possible people don’t write their own code any more, a major re-thinking of student ethics was in order.
As one professor noted, “We can’t keep students from using Google and there is no way we can keep dreaming up new problems that students can complete in the time allotted to a course but which have also not be solved and indexed on the web. And even if we could, they could still hire somebody else to write the code. So we figured, lets just go with it.”
Under the new rules, instead of turning in working code, students will submit the google queries they used to find the answers along with brief descriptions of how they chose and validated the solution they opted to submit. Since some searches can churn out too many results to be filtered in a time effective manner, students will also be given a formal budget which they will be encouraged to use to outsource the completion of their assignments. Whoever comes in with the most correctly completed assignments with the most money remaining in his or her outsourcing budget at the end of each course will be awarded top marks.
This approach will have the salutary effect of shifting a fraction of tuition dollars to worthy third world students who will be doing our actual coding in the future. Students will also face a new foreign language requirement for technical communication with native speakers of either Chinese, Hindi, Japanese, or Spanish. Other required courses will include “The Psychology of Dealing with Bosses, Employees, Venture Capitalists, and Irate Customers” and the all important, “How to Draft Broad Software and Business Method Patents”.
Naturally, all high school and undergraduate course work will focus on playing games to make the major more appealing, and candidates will be required to purchase an X-Box and Playstation along with a number of popular game titles. Said one Dean, “We actually think this requirement may help attract students to the major and of course we will incorporate green computing and other progressive themes into our assignments to show that computers are more than business tools.”
The Third Principle of the Charter recognizes that it is Too Damn Easy to Learn to Program Poorly. As one employer noted, “It is really hard to find good people who will work for Ramen Noodles and can walk in off the street, implement a new product feature without any bugs, and cycle out for a new assignment elsewhere before their unemployment benefits vest. A CS Degree just doesn’t give us enough detail to go on. I mean, even if their program uses Python, which version did they learn?” A dean expressed similar concerns, “Really all they [students] need are a few good books and a $300 netbook running Linux to learn to program. What with all the great Open Courseware on the web, how are we going to keep justifying raising our tuition at several times the rate of inflation?”
Fortunately, the Masonic Attorneys General were able to suggest the ultimate solution to all of the stake holder’s needs. A system of comprehensive software practitioner licensing with biennial registrations and mandatory Continuing Professional Education accreditation. Non-voting observers from the Confederation of CS Academic Societies were thrilled by this prospect as was the Priory since such a regime would insure them a continual fee generating role in the lifelong study of their members and graduates.
The League was similarly thrilled at the thought of being able to hire a Licensed Software Engineer with an optimally tuned set of credentials for a much lower rate once all programmers were forced to attain such certifications. “Sure they don’t really need to pass a test in each version of every tool they use, but hey, if they didn’t get to it yet, we have every right to take that into consideration when they negotiate their salary,” said one employer. “This is also a great way to keep American grads in the loop, since employers will have to hire one to sign off on any outsourced labor while giving overseas programmers a great reason to seek a student visa to get directly certified through one of our programs,” one Dean candidly confessed.
When asked what was in it for the regulators, several of the Masonic Attorneys General chuckled, “endless licensing and certification provider accreditation fees. No longer will people be able to just go around starting companies to write and sell software all willy nilly without registering with us, although we might carve out a narrow End User Programmer exemption since we don’t really have the resources to prosecute everyone using Spreadsheets and Word Macros for the Unauthorized Practice of Software Engineering. But even with that temporary loophole, licensing represents a huge revenue stream to the states; and with the Tea Party breathing down our necks over deficit spending, we need every red cent we can generate.”
As word of the Arkham Charter’s Millennial Roadmap leaked out, The Knights of the Lambda Calculus vowed to preserve The Old Ways.
N.B. Please note the date of this posting and take it in its intended spirit!